lawnboy_axeman08's Xanga

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 03:36:50 GMT

so, completely new entry, hmmm, we, the family and some other people, went to bible camp in mena this week, left monday, and learned a lot about a church member and friend on the way there. camp was weird, usually I can leave all my problems at home, but this year I brought my newly found cynical and alienated attitude, I don't know what's the matter with me, the people were great, the messages were great, everything was great, but it seems I couldn't let myself enjoy it like I wanted to. I don't remember how or when I started thinking and acting like this, but I hate it, I also seemed to have caught about a hundred maladies at camp, like bugbites and some sort of itchy reaction to some random plant, not to mention the sore and itchy throat, hoarseness, and coughing, our team so won this year in capture the flag, small wonder though, we had eli and two people going into the military, things have changed so much, I believe I am too nostalgic, I dwell on the past too much and compare it to now, saying today is worse, I think I am bi-polar maybe not, probably not, but maybe, oh well, I am going to stop this so I won't get any more depressed

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 15:10:49 GMT

School is out!!!

and the first week of break is almost over, yay, camp next week, that should be fun

now that I have nothing to do I'm gonna practice some music, a lot, get a better sound outta my trumpet, learn some new chords on guitar, get faster piano fingers, maybe I will even try to teach my self the flute, again, so excited about summer, and I think I'm finally going to get my permit soon, and then my license, won't have to wait forever, yay!

plus there's summer reading, shouldn't be too hard, so much unscheduled fun!---

bye all, leave comments, or not, whatever--

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 01:36:52 GMT

spring break is finally here, just 41 days of school left, yay, that's over 8 weeks though : (

spring break, time of long days with not much happening, that's how it is on this end, plus I actually dream on breaks, not so during school, maybe it's the weird media that I encounter during breaks that triggers these dreams, like the martian chronicles, by ray bradbury, whew, heavy stuff man, he didn't just write f451, and I've seent he first three episodes of lost, and I think I like it, haha, not to mention other stupid things that don't require(sp?) any thinking,
SUMMER IS HERE!!!
lawnmowing season anyway, but to me, that certain smell signifies the beginning of summer, I have long summers, march-november, haha, I'm just kidding, but not really, haha, so funny, don't ya' just love those easily recognizable songs because of their unmistakeable guitar intros, yeah, me too, haha, it is fun to learn such intros, and full songs for that matter, my father would not approve, haha, I'm just kidding, but not really, but seriously, I'm just kidding, hahahalarious, the kittens are almost two weeks old, wow, time goes by so slowly, yesterday was the best, haha, me and my sister went downtown to scout out the old state house for a field trip for her class, and then we went to iriana's, good pizza, haha, bye all!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 03:13:09 GMT

hello everybody!

life is good, and short, man, I feel so old?

I am weird,

never judge a book by its REVIEWS!

you think you know about somebody, dude, some stuff is messed up, check out my music video at the bottom of my page, if it doesn't work, please tell me, I want it to work cuz it is so cool, yesyes, I'm so excited for piano lessons, yay, I'm gonna get back into that again, I've got to admit it's getting better!

I can't wait for more track meets!!!! they were so much fun last year, I did so many things wrong last year, and this one, and today, and I will tommorow, and am right now, hindsight never helped anybody, I mean really, who's gonna be improved by looking at butts? haha, people are just SO wrong sometimes, it makes me mad, good people are bad people, bad people aren't so bad, good and bad are simply points of view, right? WRONG! but the perception of them can be greatly influenced, aag, just that people are so wrong sometimes, YAY!!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:59:10 GMT

Why can't we come with instruction manuals? It would be so much easier if I had some idea of what I am supposed to do with my life.

well, I thought I had a good idea of what I wanted to do with my life, and after listening to some of my mentors, I am so confused, now I don't know what I want to do, I don't want to end up selling my time away for a paycheck, and then again I don't want to end up keeping it all, and giving it away to what I should do and what I want to do, and dying, bankrupt and abandoned at 30, that's a little extreme, I know, but I am just so worried, I can't help it, I think too much, it is kinda pointless to worry about it to, hey, God's worrying about it too, or should I say solving it, so the real fear is where God is going to put me, and the fact that I have no clue where that is, but where He leads, I will follow, and that path ends at the foot of His throne, YAY!

friday: today was friday, St. Patrick's Day, and I forgot, haha, stupid me, and I hate being touched by anyone, unless I am hugging a friend, my throwing is getting much better, hoorah, coach showed us some new side step variations that work a lot better than the back step we were using, and I wasn't even wearing my lucky throwing shoes, haha, that reminds me, "we like to run around in circles, play in sand boxes, and lob heavy objects, I'm so excited for track, yay! I am so excited for next year, but also a little sad, friends are leaving, whether it be graduation or something else, certain programs are going to become less important in the eyes of the school, aagg, but on the bright side, there will be so much improvement, I have so much room for improvement, and I see that as a good thing, right now, I mean, it's only gonna get better, right, first F horn next year, woohoo!, that's not saying much, and my mom suggested that I start taking piano lessons again, like mary did in mornings, and I gotta get a real job at 16, no more lawnboy : ( that's kinda a mixed blessing, and classes will be harder, If only theology was a little deeper, the Bible does say more than just "love your neighbor" and "Jesus loves you; have a cookie" and other, simple "warm fuzzies", we need some "cold pricklies", their God is too safe, I'm so excited, and afraid, uncertainty has always been man's biggest fear, isn't it great to have an Omniscient and Omnipotent God?!!!!

Saturday: wow, super long day, so little brother woke me up playing my video games, and asked me where Daisy (the cat) was, so I opened the closet where I had put her the night before, and he picked her up, and there was a lot of high pitched noises when he did, you guessed it, she had kittens, five of them, so, if anybody wants a kitten in a couple of weeks, just say so, we can't take care of five cats, and lawnmowing season has started, I think it comes earlier every year, started during Spring break last year, and it's still winter this tear, but this is arkansas, so--, oh well, and then my sister and I went to see the most stupid movie EVER!! I'm ashamed to even say what it was, but you can probably guess, I feel much dumber now, aag, then i went to the phantom of the opera party, yay, mucho divertido, and while I was there alex, called, how ironic(??) that was a fun party, consisted of many funny picture poses,(hahaha) pool, some other games, and of course phantom of the opera! yay, pool is fun, and later that night I was told my family ran into the tobins, man, so many memories, so many memories, wow, that was a really long day

Sunday: not much has happened so far, just the usual, kittens are so cute, even though they look like rats, they won't in a couple weeks, anybody want a kitten??

edit:this week is boring and slow, I wasnt spring break to be here already!!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 02:35:22 GMT

tuesday:

hmm, track meet today, at conway, was much fun, conversation on the bus included subjects such as whether spandex or briefs were more comfortable undert your uniform(??) go luhi!!! but it was just a practice meet, so it was what you team sport people would call a scrimage I guess, yay for pr's! and retention! and constantly getting better! a whole couple of inches gained in shotput is a big deal over three or four days! but everybody else had a bad day, in throwing anyway. I have found that my unbiased opinion of music is a great thing, stuff gets boring after awhile, blech, after I left the meet, my sis(the one not in germany) and I went to a friend's house for dinner and to watch american idol? I don't like that show, how in the world does it take fir twelve people to sing a song?definitely not two hours(??) and I now do not respect most singers, they aren't real musicians, "oh, memorize these words and pitches and puke them back out in front of an audience" that's not music my friend, that's just showing people how well you can remember stuff, but stevie wonder stuff was cool, and now I am home, yay, just a little time left, a few more weeks. hip-hip-hoorah!!!

wednesday:

today was cool, i should go on who wants to be a millionaire because i know a lot of worthless facts according to courtney, hehe, answered a few questions today that nobody knew, or really cared about, but what the hey, fun stuff, fun stuff, the davinci code makes me mad!!!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 00:57:19 GMT

special "shout out" to my sister mary, I was listening to some music and thought of you, thank you for all the good times, and I can't wait for you to come home!!!!

ah, life at least smells good at the moment, I like to smell things, like smoke, how oximoronic is that? haha F451

so much crap has happened in the past, but oh blah di oh blah da, life goes on

hmmm, no track meet today, bleh, I was loooking fwd to that, but we did official measurements today, and I got records in both throwings, yay, it's not much, but a dollar is more to a poor man than a hundred to a rich one.

I am glad I can remember things well, at least the good things, my goodness things change, tomorrow's friday, and the end of the 1/4 so half day, no band, bah, I was looking forward today, my brother causes so much injury, I gave myself a headache whilst helping with HIS hw, ack, I am glad for no major projects anytime soon, but I am looking fwd to that song analysis paper, should be a lot o' fun, especially with all the strange things I like, (yeah right, not that strange, not very popular) I want school to be over, and it almost is, I'm going to cry now, I can't wait for mary to get home, and all the other great stuff happening in the summer, I need a new trumpet, please donate money to the A.W. Raines C trumpet fund, haha, I wish I were older, "born too late..." but older people are always wishing they were older, man, I just realized that I have spent a lot of time around old people, man, We are talking about the reformation, and of course we talked about luther first, but then we are talking about calvin, YAY, I opened the packet, and there were the five points, bold as...something that is really bold, but we talked about, and I told the teacher about predestination and election, and how free will...well, anyway, it's hard to be in a room full of lutherans with their nivs and you are trying to argue a point, and your bible doesn't say what it should, dumb niv, all I have to say is, "We love him because he first loved us" I like that class though, even if it is the stupid people world history class(dumb first period ap)I would rather take band anyway, man, I gotta get better quick, I think too much, BEISEL TOLD ME THAT TODAY, beisel did, that is amazing, that's why I am no good at chess to this day, I over analyze every stupid move, I hate that, woah, I wrote too much, so many things amaze me to this day, and so many things used to apall me, it just rolls off like water off a duck's back, I AM A DUCK! wow, that term takes me back a ways, I still don't get why, but they called me a duck in the fourth grade, and I've never heard that name since, and a lot of terms into hiding, like "like a mug" or "failure", man, so many memories, so many stories, so many faces, and half as many people behind them, whatever happened to these people? I never hear about them anymore, maybe I don't want to, nvm, I didn't get to save much from then, but at least I get to keep the memories, haha, making baskets, cowboy alphabets, comics, Bj's fifteen pages, Bilal and Jessica, haha, koolaid, haha, oliver jumping his knights, Alex playing my dad, hollis's games and puzzles, go eat lunch now dude, just jump radically, sheep's heart, bubble bots, third place, plants, ants, and yelling, laws of life, police chase, BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL! wow, so many memories, to name a few, man, those were the times,

edit, saturday-well, at the bottom of my depression wave right now, again, it stinks to have your hopes lifted, and then crushed like a watermelon dropped from a twenty story building, to quote the timeless wisdom of fez, "when is it fez's turn? what does fez have to do to get a woman?"that's all I will say and was already too much at the first comma, facebook message me to find out what happens next!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 01:00:32 GMT

Do your seatwork, eat lunch, go to recess

that's all school used to be, right?

so many things are just stupid,

everything has to change,

where have all the flowers gone?

so many things that just don't make sense

unneccesary complication

people hate each other for no good reason

people like each other for no good reason

people do things because it makes them feel good

whatever happened to responsibility?

whatever happened to consideration?

what are they teaching them at these schools?

why is everybody so different?

and still I have to act the same around all of them

because two heads may be, but two faces are definitely not better than one

everybody's so hypocritical

well, almost everybody

when is it my time?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 03:33:14 GMT

Edit: well, it's friday, things used to be so easy, but it will only get harder, so I guess I should savor this moment when it is easier than it will be(?)

so I need a new trumpet, but I have no money that I can use, stupid rarity of ametuer C trumpet producers, oh yeah, and people WHO DON"T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A C AND A Bb TRUMPET, those dumb ebay people make me mad, if only I had a metal saw I could make my own C trumpet, hmm...

why do things have to be so hard?!?!

I swear, things were so much easier when I didn't want anything more, when I was "happy" as F451 says

I saw a taco bueno today, I haven't seen those anywhere east of oklahoma ever!

and BENTON'S GETTING AN IHOP! i can't believe it, that was a rare treat meant only for okc

man, things were so much simpler when...

so I'm pretty sure this english paper is impossible, but at least I started it, I need to ask duvall about that...

I need somebody to talk to about stuff cuz I am confused, why did I write that?

It was hotter than the threshhold to hades in 8th period today, aack

but it felt good outside in track

I'm pretty sure my mp3 player is dying

I hate people that are just set on doing stupid and wrong things, BEAR CAVE, read below

one of these will be on duvall's board tomorrow:

the best way to avoid a fight with a bear is to stay away from its cave

it is the obligation of the more maneuverable and more flexible ship to ensure a violent collision does not occure

yeah, it means that whoever is more patient or calm is the one who should use their qualities to stop an argument

life is sweet, like antifreeze, and I am as stupid as the next dog

if someone else has got it worse, show me them so I can rub it in their face

if everybody did hugs instead of drugs for one day, half the U.S. population would die of suffocation

don't be a doormat, be a mountain, it's a lot harder to walk over a mountain, and if anyone actually makes it, they are really tired, and sensible people never want to try it again

or be a mirror, reflect whatever shines on you, even though most people will hate the way you look.

it is better to be a stopped clock and tell the truth only twice a day than to be a minute fast and be lying 24/7

bye for now

edit: I swear, those first three comments were weird

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 02:31:29 GMT

THIS IS the weekend's POST

I just found this, I thought it was cool, it's from one a' the best movies ever

Friday: so today was the presentation of My Fair Lady to the high school, and it was awesome, could've been better...the ad-libbing was great, hahaha, I'm sorry to all involved in the play, I'm such a jerk,
question:
am I a nice person?
1-Not at all
2-not really
3-I guess
4-Yes
5-Most Definitely

today was great, I am definitely recharged, no longer depressed, sometimes the smallest comment can really lift people up, so say nice things! you could make somebody very happy!!!

edit: yeah, I think I am bi-polar, but that would just be too easy, tonight was the third performance of My Fair Lady, twas quite excellent, some of the performers may object, so if they do then I retract my statement, that reminds me, Be agreeable, give no one reason to hurt you, and guess what! you probably won't be. but that doesn't apply to people who are just looking for a fight, and there are a lot out there, sometimes I just want to get the crap knocked out of me, just to see how much I could take right now, and to see what I would do, I'd like to think I'd do nothing, dang, I never realized what a doormat I am until today, it just seems right to let people walk on me, I don't know, maybe I just have an intolerance for other people's pain, maybe I am a total wuss, I know it's not genetic, my family is full of fighters from what I've heard, I hate confrontation, I'm such a girl, or maybe I am one of the few enlightened, but that would be too good for me,

lesson: no one wants to listen to your problems, if they wanted to listen to somebody's problems they wouldn't have come to you, because there's always someone who's got it worse

Saturday: I'm pretty sure that I love tommy james and the shondells, listen to some of the songs, lotsof songs about "secret infatuation" as I like to call it, and that reminds me, I'm so happy that my parents(at least my mom)realize that I like girls now! yay, oh well, haha. tonight was my sis's party, twas fun, we played a new kind of card game, it has no name, it was very fun though, it involved much slapping, stabbing, poking, cutting, very fun, haha

well, tomorrow is sunday, more trumpet playing! yay, I am glad that I am musically talented, it gives me something to rub in people's faces, haha, I'm KIDDIING!

but I am glad that I am rare in the fact that not many other people play brass in a worship service ensemble

The Turtles, You Baby
From the time I fall asleep
‘Til the morning comes I dream about
You baby
And I feel all right
‘Cause I know tonight I’ll be with
You baby
And who makes me feel like smiling
When the weary day is through
You baby, no-one but you, baby, nobody but you
They say candy is sweet
But it just can’t compete with
You baby
You’ve got everything I need
And nobody can please like
You do, baby
And who believes all my wildest dreams
And my craziest schemes will come true
A little ray of sunshine
A little bit of soul
Add just a touch of magic
You got the greatest thing since rock ‘n’ roll

Sunday: I am stuck, trapped, I could be so many things, but I can't, and I know that makes no sense, it's not supposed to, anyway, I'm worried about my future again, I mean, I wanna major in music, and eventually teach in a christian school, but I'm TERIIBLE at everything, and then even if that does work out, how many christian schools need music teachers, or ones that can afford another teacher anyway, and I don't want to go into anything else, oh well, I'll probably end up driving a truck, so it doesn't matter.

another song-
Stuck in the middle with you
Stealer's Wheel
Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.